What up? Been a while. Here is a short story.
It was Saturday night about 11p.m. and I was at my desk reading the latest issue of National Geographic when suddenly a flash of light appeared behind me. I turned to see a tall glowing figure staring at me.
"Hi." he said waving his left hand.
"Um... hi. Who are you?" I asked.
"I am the Almighty Jesus."
"... No way."
"How dare you question the benevolent Jesus!" Jesus then pointed at the National Geographic, which immediately transformed into a copy of Hustler.
"Wow! OK, What do you want oh wise and powerful lord?"
"The amazing Jesus wants for you to do one thing..."
"... and that would be?"
"SILENCE! The glorious wonder that is Jesus was merely pausing for dramatic effect!"
"OK sorry. Continue."
"Thank you. Now as Jesus the magnificent was saying, you only have to do one thing... You must make for Jesus a meal of waffles."
"Um... waffles?"
"Yes."
"You want me to make you waffles?" I asked incredulously.
"It's a simple request."
"Yeah, but why me?"
"DO YOU QUESTION YOUR LORD?!"
"No no it's just... I've never made waffles before; I don't even have a waffle Iron."
"What? Are you not the human known as Emeril?"
"Um, no Jesus, my name is Phil. Phil Jones."
"DAMMIT! THIS IS THE THIRD HOUSE! JESUS JUST WANTED SOME WAFFLES!"
"Wait... you've gone to two other houses? Why did you think Emeril lived here? or either of those houses? Shouldn't Jesus know where Emeril lives? Why just assume I was Emeril? Do I look like Emeril?"
"Well... Um... The thing about that is... LOOK OVER THERE!"
"Then Jesus leaped out the open window and flew away, and that's how The Hustler got in my room."
"... Son, you don't have to lie, I just asked where you got the magazine. Was it your uncle Frank?" My father asked.
"But dad I'm serious, it was Jesus--"
"Enough! Just don't look at these things until you're older. And for lying you're grounded for a week."
He took the Hustler and left. After my grounding was over, I went to Sears and bought a waffle iron. Jesus came back later that year, and we had Emeril's Pecan Waffles with Dried Fruit Compote, and played Rock Band all night.
The End.
